Safety & Consent
Safety is the foundation on which everything rests in my workshops and sessions.
Without safety, there is no trust, and without trust, there is no surrender.
How consent works in my sessions
In Shibari-Tantra, consent goes much further than a simple "yes" at the beginning. Consent is an ongoing, living dialogue that runs from the first contact to the end of the session.
Before the session:every journey begins with an intake conversation. In this, we discuss your intention, any physical limitations, previous experiences, and boundaries. This conversation is not a formality. It helps me to tailor the session completely to you and gives you the space to ask questions.
During the session:we work with continuous check-ins. This means that I constantly ask questions: "How does this feel?", "Is there any tingling?", "Do you want me to adjust something?" We do not wait for a problem to arise. Communication flows continuously, with words, but also through breathing, body language, and other non-verbal signals.
At any moment:you always have the freedom to pause or stop completely. No explanation needed, no pressure to continue. We make clear agreements in advance about communication and non-verbal signals, so that stopping is always simple and safe.
Why I do not use a traffic light system with beginners
Many shibari practitioners are familiar with the traffic light system (red/orange/green). I consciously do not use this in regular workshops and sessions. The reason: a traffic light requires that you, as a beginner, assess how you feel and translate that into a color code. This is an abstraction that can lead to confusion, especially for beginners.
Instead, I work with continuous, open communication. I ask the questions. You only need to answer what you feel. No codes, no system to remember. Just honest contact.
In advanced lessons, where the intensity is higher and participants have more experience with their own boundaries, I do introduce the traffic light system as an additional layer of communication.
Physical safety: what I do concretely
Physical safety begins with knowledge of the body. In every lesson and session, I pay attention to the following points:
Anatomy and risk zones.Nerves and blood vessels on the inside of the wrists, the elbow crease, the groin, and the neck are vulnerable. In the lessons, I teach where rope can and cannot be placed, and why. We never place rope on joints or over areas with large nerves or blood vessels.
The rope interview.Before any rope is touched, we conduct a rope interview: you learn to ask questions about injuries, sensitivities, and boundaries. This is a standard step in every workshop and lesson.
Ongoing monitoring.During binding, I regularly check the sensitivity in hands and fingers. In case of tingling, numbness, or color change, we adjust immediately.
Safety scissors.There is always a pair of safety scissors within reach to quickly cut ropes if necessary. I have never needed them, but they are there.
No pain.We never work towards positions that cause pain. We consciously avoid pain. The surrender we seek does not come from pain, but from the safety and support feeling so good that you can let go.
Which ropes I use and why
The choice of material is part of safety and hygiene.
In workshops:I always use POSH ropes (polyester over spun hemp). POSH is a high-quality synthetic rope that feels natural but is easy to clean. After each workshop, the ropes go in the washing machine. This ensures that everyone works with clean, safe ropes.
In private sessions:I work with POSH or jute, the traditional material in shibari. Jute has a unique grip and warmth on the skin. I make, maintain, and condition my jute ropes myself. Important: not all jute is safe. Industrial jute for packaging may contain JBO oil, which is harmful to the skin. I only use jute that has been specifically treated for use on the body.
I do not use cotton.Cotton absorbs moisture and odors the fastest, making it unhygienic for shared use.
You can read more about rope choice on the pageshibari rope.
No BDSM
This is an important distinction that I like to clarify. In my workshops, there is no punishment component, no dominance in the BDSM sense of the word. There is control, but it is the play of letting go of control and being supported.
The intention is fundamentally different from BDSM. In tantric shibari, the focus is on meditative presence, energetic connection, and the art of intimacy. Not on power dynamics or role play.
We respect each other's practices. BDSM is a legitimate practice for those who choose it. But it is not what I offer, and it's good to know that in advance.
How a workshop is structured
Each workshop begins by sensing the group. We do a short round where everyone shares where they are and what their intention is. Based on this, I adjust the session. Sometimes the group asks for extra attention to the basics of consent and communication. Sometimes I can dive deeper more quickly.
Then follows a fixed structure:
- Intake and introduction:short round, sharing intentions, agreements on boundaries and communication.
- Anatomy and safety:explanation of risk areas, the rope interview, safety materials.
- Basic techniques:the first knots and frictions, with attention to how it feels, not just how it looks.
- Practicing with feedback:you practice with a partner while I walk around, observe, and provide guidance.
- Deepening:as the day progresses, we build up to more intensity and connection.
- Closure and aftercare:space to land, share what you have experienced, and ask questions if needed.
For each level (L1, L2, L3) the content shifts, but the structure of safety, communication, and buildup always remains the same. View the complete overview atlearning shibari.
Safety for couples
As a couple, you come together in a vulnerable space. This requires extra care.
In couple sessions, I discuss with both partners what their expectations and boundaries are. This way, everyone has the space to honestly look at their desires. During the session, I guide you step by step. No experience is needed.
The session is always tailored to you. You determine the pace, the level of clothing, and how far you want to go. There is no pressure to go in a certain direction. Read more about the couple sessions atshibari for couples.
Emotional safety and aftercare
Shibari affects not only the body but also the emotions. When the body relaxes and the mind calms down, stored emotions can come to the surface. A smile, a tear, a deep sigh: everything is allowed.
Aftercare is therefore a fixed part of every session. This is a moment of gentle touch, warmth, and silence, where the experience can settle down. The insights and renewed connection that arise from this often have a deep impact on daily life.
In my space in Eke (near Ghent), there is always the possibility to stay a little longer after the session. There is no rush.
The day after, we have another aftercare moment.
Frequently asked questions about safety
No, not in my sessions. We make a clear distinction between pain and intense sensation. Pain is a signal to stop. The pressure of the ropes can create intense sensations, which are often experienced as pleasant. Rope marks may sometimes be temporarily visible. This is normal and will fade away on its own.
Then we stop. Immediately, without questions. We make clear agreements in advance so that stopping is always easy.
No. Soft, form-fitting clothing works just fine. The ropes have more effect on the skin, but you have complete control over this.
No. Most participants are complete beginners. I will explain everything step by step and guide you throughout the session. You also don't need to be flexible or strong.
Always report injuries or sensitive areas in advance. I will adjust positions and pressure according to your body. The sessions are accessible to almost everyone, regardless of flexibility or fitness.
That is very normal and is allowed. Shibari affects not only the body but also the emotions. When the body relaxes and the mind calms down, stored emotions can surface. A laugh, a tear, a deep sigh: everything is welcome. I will guide you through this calmly, and we will take all the time needed.
In workshops, I always use POSH ropes. They go in the washing machine after each workshop. This way, you always work with clean, hygienic ropes. In private sessions, I work with POSH or jute. The jute ropes I use for private sessions are carefully maintained and cleaned.
For certain conditions, it is important to discuss this in advance. Think of nerve issues, blood circulation problems, skin conditions, recent surgeries, or pregnancy. We always discuss this in the intake interview. In many cases, I can adjust the session, but your safety is always the top priority.
Aftercare is an integral part of every session. After releasing the ropes, we take the time to land gently. This can include soft touch, warmth, silence, or a conversation. Shibari can evoke intense feelings, and aftercare helps to process that experience safely. The day after, we have another aftercare moment.
No. In my sessions and workshops, there is no punishment component and no dominance in the BDSM sense of the word. The focus is on trust, connection, and conscious touch. There is a play of giving control and being supported, but the intention is fundamentally different. We respect each other's practices, but BDSM is not what I offer.
We discuss that beforehand in the intake conversation. I speak with both partners separately about expectations and boundaries, so everyone has the space to be honest. During the session, I guide you step by step and always respect the boundary of the one who wants to be the most cautious.
Safety starts with the atmosphere. My space in Eke (near Ghent) is set up as a calm, warm place where you can relax. There is always a safety scissors within reach. We start each session with a calm conversation and clear agreements. There is no rush and no pressure. After the session, there is always the option to stay a little longer.